What I do

I don’t think the non-techies I know actually understand my job. I figure everyone understands the 1000 most common words in english (even foreigners.  As an englishman, deep down I have to believe they understand english, even if they pretend not to.)  So here is what I do, using only the 1000 most commone words in english (with apologies to xkcd):

I help computers pretend to be lots of different computers. I help Windows computers to think that they are using real things when actually they are only using pretend things that I have written. And I help them to use these pretend things and to tell other computers and other people about themselves and about the pretend things they want to use. I even help computers to learn to lie to themselves about what they really are.

Also I try to calm down people who use the things I write and make them happy. I’m not good at this bit.
And I try to make other people help computers like I do. Sometimes we have a meeting and then the other people wish they were dead. But then they try to help people that use computers and the things we make the computers do. Or they change job.

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