The note that I hope would say more

It hasn’t been easy.  There is one big, almost insurmountable issue: For Adelina, a home is where you bring people into your life, where you entertain them.  An empty home is an empty heart.  For me, A home is the place you go to after a day out in the world of other people. It is my castle, my cave, my refuge.  For me, a full house is an

And this year it has got worse. Adelina has been working alone at home – she needs more people.  I’ve been busy leading a technical project, being interrupted, jostled and stuck in meetings with other people all day.  We both needed our respective homes more than ever – and neither of us got them.  And that begins to put a strain on a relationship.

We looked for an answer, and there only seemed to be one way both of us could stay happy (and ensuring we both stayed happy – and sane – was the most important factor in this decision).

And so Adelina will soon be moving out.  She’s moving to a house in Cambridge which she can stay at for the next six months – after which… well, this is still a work in progress.

This is where it gets complicated.  Because I’m used to the idea of the break-up from the media.  We’re meant to be fighting and throwing plates at each other.  Our marriage is meant to be over.  My only chance is meant to be after much soul searching to realise I was totally in the wrong, race through a busy city, catch her as she is about to board an aeroplane and reunite in front of a crowd of cheering onlookers who have all been won over by our public display of romance.

But this isn’t a break up.

Adelina and I still love each other.  This is what has made this decision so easy – and also so difficult. We still want to spend time with each other.  We still care for each other.  We still believe that we are an ideal partnership – and soul mates.  We’re not looking for other partners.  All of our social plans, and plans for trips and holidays together remain firm. Our marriage is not over.  Not by a long shot.

There are some advantages – with more time to myself, I’ll be able to give Adelina more of the husband she deserves.  We’ll be able to date each other again and bring back the romance which can get overlooked when you’re both caught up dealing with life.

Are we kidding ourselves?  Maybe.  This is an experiment.  All we know is that something has to be done – and this is by far the best thing we can think of doing.  By all means, if you have any better thoughts, send answers on a postcard to the usual address.

This is going to be hard.  It isn’t the way I wanted my life – our lives – to go.  Its going to take some adjustment.  Its going to take a lot of soul searching for me to deal with a lot of issues from my path.  I’m happy that we both still have a chance to be happy, together (if living separately).  I’m going to be trying my damnedest to make our marriage work.  But I’m sad I won’t see Adelina anywhere near as often as I have got used to.  I’m sad that – in a sense – I’m not going to be sharing as much of my life with her.

Overall, I don’t know how this is going to work.  I don’t know what issues are going to arise.  It might be either the thing that makes us, or the thing that breaks us.  What I know for sure is that in the last few days, since we made the decision, Adelina and I seem closer than we have been in a long time – and that gives me hope.

Right now, because I’m still trying to work through my emotions, I don’t really want to talk about this.  At least, not yet. I’m not sure that there is anything to say that I haven’t said here.  But this isn’t something I want to hide – its the next phase of Adelina’s and
my life.  It’s unusual, but I don’t think anyone ever thought Adelina and I were normal. We are both excited and scared by this change in our circumstances.

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